


Dear Jemma

by Evilunicorn11



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-19 20:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5980249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilunicorn11/pseuds/Evilunicorn11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky writes to Jemma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 I was warned about people like you. When I was a boy, they told me about the ones with a beautiful mind and soft eyes. I was told to keep away because you’re addicting, and capable of destroying me. More than any drug could. They told me to keep away because one wrong move could be vital. But, as you know well enough, I’ve always been one to take risks.  

 

They sent in Steve to tell me about you. Coulson thought it would be easier, hearing it from him. It wasn’t. It’s been weeks since your funeral and it’s still as raw as it was in that moment. I knew something was wrong that day. I felt empty. Then he came in with a quiet voice and sad eyes, he didn’t have say a thing, I knew. It was the same look he had on when his mother died. 

 

Jemma, I’m scared. I’m sorry. 

 

Fitz has fallen. He’s become more diligent during the day. He doesn’t talk to anyone, and he’s suicidal. Daisy spontaneously cries now. She doesn’t even know she does it until the tears have fallen off her face but...

 

You’re missed, that’s obvious. By me especially. I wish I told you earlier. We would’ve had more time together. It was so painful, sitting right next to someone I felt so strongly about and knowing I couldn’t say what I wanted. 

 

I wanted to be with you for so long. It was as simple, and as complicated as that. 

 

I remember the first time I realized I love you. It was the rescue mission in Bolivia, you, me and Fitz. You had fought through half a hallway full of soldiers, Fitz was worrying about the humidity for some such reason, I never listened to his rambling. You immediately bolted through the doors and started treating the injured. I saw you.  

 

Jemma Simmons, I saw how beautiful you were. 

 

Are. 

 

I saw how beautiful you _are._

 

You had a calm voice, warm eyes and a compassionate heart. There are very few like you anymore. 

 

The world isn’t a better place without you. 

 

_My_ world isn’t a better place without you. 

 

I still see you in bed, sleeping against me. In the lab, examining God knows what. I still see you everyday, everywhere. Which makes it hurt more when I remember that you are dead. Sometimes, I wish I never met you, doll. I preferred the emptiness in me when I didn’t know it existed. 

 

I love you. I miss you. 

Yours, until the end of time,

Bucky 

 

P.S. I miss someone calling me James. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It’s hard to forget pain.

 

Since I’ve been liberated, I can remember every single detail that HYDRA did to me. Made me do. I remember being dragged through the snow, having my arm cut off, experimented on, frozen. 

 

I remember every trigger I pulled in their name. Every person who’s had to die by my hand, by their hand. 

 

I’ve had this hunk of metal since before you were born, how funny is that? 

 

I’m probably the best, and the oldest, murderer to ever live. James Buchanan Barnes is the oldest living killer. I know it’s who I am. It wasn’t just the Winter Soldier, it was also the Commando.

 

I have a problem, doll. I’m starting to slip. Every time it happens it’s like I’m falling from the train again. The charming Commando is starting to disappear again. He’s surfacing more. I can feel him, lurking in his dark corner, waiting for me to crash and burn. 

 

Once, I considered reverting back to being the thoughtless Soldier. It would be easier. Cap as my command, it’d be fine, I’d be under control. And better yet, I wouldn’t have to worry or feel, because as hard as it is to forget pain, it’s a thousand times harder to remember affection. 

 

I don’t have a giant scar on my shoulder depicting your love. 

 

Don’t forget. 

 

I love you and I miss you. 

Bucky–

 

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of some poetry I found and Daredevil Yellow.


End file.
